I am needing some help. I have had this lingering urge to SI and it is sticking around and is becoming stronger. I used to SI mostly as a form of self-punishment and that is what I find I want to do now. There are no real major things going on to make me feel this…I have certainly been through much worse, but I just have been feeling so inadequate with things lately. I feel bad about myself. I feel that I should look better, be more in shape, study harder, be more assertive, have more friends,… and the list goes on and on. Because of the feelings of needed to be better, and thinking I should be better, but I am not, I need to punish myself.

I should know how to handle this, but right now I am having a tough time trying to remember the appropriate skills and tools. I just want to SI and the urge is becoming very distracting. I know SI will not be helpful, but I am getting to that thought of where I don’t care about that – I just want to do it.

I am trying to still be okay and stick it out without giving in.