im overwhelmed. im sick. im tired. i want to si. i havnt had an urge like this in a while. i just want to feel something other than sick. I was totally fine! all of a sudden this morning i had a sore throat. now my head is stuffy. now my nose is running. now i fee llike im dying! oh did I mention my family is having a large party JUST FOR ME this saturday!?!?! As if I wasnt stressed out over school, work, and just life in general ( oh ya and my weight, always weight), I have this party. And tahts ok. I dont mind. Like…i love it, I deserve this because I worked so hard towards this degree which is why I get this party. but im sick. i get this miserable cold right when i need to be ready. a few days where i need to be able to multitask and my body gives up. its like a sign my body hates me. it hates me for what ive done to it. it hates me for the scars that cover me.
UGH! ok enough with that. but I am sick and tired. i miss si. its been a while. ive been good. its been a while. such a long while. i just want it. I just want to get out of bed to si. but I cant…and I wont. Im going to sleep. sleep seems to help. oh god I hate myself right now. i hate my body. i just hate everything in general.