I’ve recently learned to accept things for how they are and accept the things that I have done in the past, realizing I can’t change them. I can’t say I’m perfect and I won’t have an episode again, but it’s been a long, stable time since I have injured. I even wear tee shirts now.
I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, fall, have bad days. Keep pushing through and keep striving for something better. There’s a million different options for you to get help and talk to someone; friends, family, counselors, school officials, suicide hotline, IMAlive, and family doctors.
I’ve been down the road; I hated to wake up in the morning. Hated to look in the mirror. Hated to get out of bed. To get dressed. To have to put on the fake front and make everyone believe that it’s okay. I know how hard it is; it’s easier to say ‘I’m fine.’ than to explain it all. How it’s easier to give in to the urges than fight back against them. It’s easier to keep hiding from everyone so you don’t have to answer when they ask you what all the marks are from.
But I also know how much better it can be when you talk to someone and get it off your shoulders. It’s an incredible weight to bear and you shouldn’t have to do it alone. There are a million ways you can bring the topic up and get help; ask you family doctor what the signs of depression are. This may initiate the question ‘why do you ask?’ and you can start talking about it. That’s one suggestion of many. It’s hard to do alone, it’s hard to be isolated and feel ashamed or guilty or scared about what you have done, are doing, or are scared of doing again. I know that there are times that you’re scared of what you can do, or what you will do. Don’t give up, don’t give in, and don’t lose hope.
YOU need to know that there ARE people who understand, who care, and who love unconditionally. That someone out there can understand and recognize your struggles and help you through them.
Hope. Help. Recovery.
Email/MSN any time to talk.