I promised myself in seventh grade no matter how dark my life got i’d never injure, well sure enough. . . Towards the end of my eighth grade year i injured. I felt i couldn’t take it no more and i still feel that way. When i started i knew my depression and suicidal thoughts were getting worse and i needed help. So i took my friend into the bathroom one day before school and told her i needed to show her something and i needed her to promise not to tell. I showed her. She simply replied what is that, i never answered. She asked twice more, i looked down in shame and said i injured myself. She laughed and said well i gotta get to class < | 3 Thats when i knew noone was their for me. I had a childhood like many, even though i know it can be worse. But, i’m only thirteen and i almost ended it last night. . . i injured. I didn’t wanna stop, i felt their was no light in my life, no reason to live. My bestfriend who, i never met threatrened to commit suicide if i didn’t stop. I called him franickly he didn’t answer. So text after text and call after call, finally he picked up. I almost lost him and this wasn’t the first. I really honestly wanna get help but, i’m scared. People say injurers are attention seekers, thats not true. They don’t know what none of us have gone through. I don’t trust no family or friends because him. But, theres a probelm he lives like a hundred miles away :’| and i’ve never met him. How and where should i get help? Because i don’t wanna get my school involved and i’m scared of getting locked up in a mental hospital. . . And i was thinking about calling a suicide hotlinee?
What ever you do don’t give up. I was in 9th grade when I started self injury. I had told my self for months that I wouldn’t but 3 months into 9th grade I started. I am not out of high-school and its still a struggle. I tried several times to end my life that I had only been living for 15 years . I as weird as this sounds have several times told my friends that if they I was not allowed to attempt to end my life and not allowed to self injure then neither were they. I made several strange promises with them about how we would go through things together . That worked out great till my mom after finding out through the school(in 9th grade) that I self injured.Four years later when I was making these promises with my friends my mom found a scar and asked what it was. I made up some excuse and she told me that either I tell her or she will check me into a mental hospital . Part of me wished that she was because I didn’t want to explain my self to someone that didn’t understand . You can find a councilor or a therapist through this web site . Or google one in your area . Who ever says that people that self injure are attention seekers has no clue what they are talking about. I was told that by all of my family. Which none of them have struggled with self injury. People are so naive and don’t really understand . A suicide hotline would never hurt . I would look for a councilor near you . Just tell your mom that you don’t want to go into details but you would like to see someone to make some sense and help you with some things . I don’t know how your mom is but the second time I talked to my mom after she said that I didn’t need help after she found out about this she told me i was an attention seeker . I asked her and after my friend talk to her my mom let me go to a councilor . But she didn’t / doesn’t know that I still struggle with self harm . After two months of it she told me that I did not need help any more that I was fine. Which was far from the truth but this blog is a really good place to start.
If you wanna talk more in detail feel free to email me
blueyedginger717@hotmail.com
*now outa high-school
Self harm is a daily struggle. The good thing is that on here, people understand that injuring is not for attention. If you have someone in your life who would help you find someone to talk to, that might really help. If not, never hesitate to get on here and just vent or email people from this cite. I know it’s so devastating when you open yourself up to someone and they hurt you. I’m really sorry your friend did that to you. On the subject of friends, i don’t know your friend who lives far away from you, but not answering your calls after threatening to kill himself is not okay. Even if his intentions were good, he can’t scare you like that and play with your emotions. You need a friend who is supportive and good for you. I don’t mean that he’s a bad person or a bad friend. I can tell he means a lot to you, so you should tell him not to scare you like that again. Suicide isn’t a joke or a tool anyone can use to pressure you into stop, even if he was trying to help you stop injuring. Anyway. I hope you find someone to talk to and get your emotions out. If you want to talk, please feel free to email me. It’s spoutofdoubt@yahoo.com