Maybe it’s my imagination but I feel like my medicine isn’t working as effectively as it has the last few years. My mood seems to be getting WORSE and more unstable not better. It’s been so bad this week. I just fly off the handle at the dumbest things and I almost immediately regret whatever came out of my mouth. I feel physically violent, not just towards myself but to others. For some reason I’m really ashamed of that. I wanted to completely destroy myself and you and everything in my path earlier. I hate me sometimes. I feel like I should know better now but it feels so intense and out of control. I am in control, I haven’t physically acted out-but it’s a big struggle. To not slam doors and throw and scream and leave and drink and SI. I feel like I’m 3 years old as far as my ability to handle to emotions is going. I’m frustrated.
Well at least I am not alone. I am not on medication but i feel like I should be. Lately with working so much I come home and practically flip over something stupid. I cry over stuff that doesn’t make sense or stuff that has happened months ago. Last week I had a episode where I thought I was crazy ( well this is a re-occuring one ) I have a serious emotional break down in public after being up for 40 hours straight and when I got home after a day of nothing going right.I had things that just wanted to be a pain in the but when I got home nothing wanted to work so then I came up in my room and just literally started throwing things and almost injured my self pretty badly. It seems like things go fine and then all a sudden things go totally opposite directions then I get emotional then I get angry then emotional again . I feel like thats the scariest part of it all because I am paranoid that I am turning into a crazy person ……… hmmm Well I hope your day gets better …..
You’re not alone.