I SI’d for over a decade, something that countless therapy sessions, trips to the ER, and involuntary hospitalizations did nothing to curtail. That all changed 10 months ago when my 4 year old daughter asked me if, “mommy was going to get anymore owies”, I promised her that I wouldn’t and stopped immediately. It is a promise I’ll never break. I am ashamed of my scars and what they have cost me; jobs for unprofessionalism, girlfriends who can’t handle it, looks from strangers. I hate them and it’s going to take $10,000 worth of reconstructing surgery to make them better, not to get rid of them, just minimize the number and appearance. Despite all this not a day goes by where I don’t desperately want to injure. The desire stalks me and while I will never break my promise, I am so scared I might and all I want to know is if the desire will ever go away.