I just found this site and am very excited to be able to talk with other people that have been through what I have been through . I started S.I behaviors when I was about 15 I think I am now 19 almost 20 and I still struggle with it. I have tried every single form of it. My parents found out when I was almost 16 , The school called them then when they got back from work I will never forget that conversation that seemed to go on for 6 hours or so it seemed. My Dad and Mom both said something about sending me away. They then took pictures of the scars and scabs that I had and my mom checked me daily for new scars. I for a while slept on the sofa because they didn’t want me by my self. After a while they thought that it had just gone away. But I found other ways to hide it I wore make up had hair in my face all the time, wore long sleeves and hoodies even in the summer. I would go through phases where I said that I would stop and then would start back up again . I could go about 4 or 5 months at a time and then eventually it would hit me how horrible I felt and I just needed to feel something other then what I was feeling. Then last year sometime my mom noticed an injury and asked what that was and I made up some excuse because I didn’t want to deal with the criticism and the emotional strain of having to explain everything and why I did it. For awhile I was seeing somebody for it and then I was told by certain family member that this was the dumbest thing that they had ever heard of . I then started journaling because I knew that it was better then S.I and then one day a few pages were ripped out of my journal and the next thing that I knew I was criticized for that too. I do still journal to try to stop the urge to S.I myself but when a bad day comes thats so hard to do. I really don’t like reading but have started to read books just to escape any feeling or urge to S.I . I have been clean from self injurious behaviors / any addictions for about 6 months .I still try to cover up because people see my scars and ask and when I tell them they either can relate or they are sympathetic / empathetic towards me . My scars make me who I am , They don’t define me but if I never went through all of this who knows where I would be.They remind me of where I have been I still remember what I was and what I was going through for each and everyone of them . I don’t think that I would be as strong today as I was back then if I had not had these / other struggles in my life. I may not be the shining example but I do know there is hope for everyone (still struggling currently or just the temptation to go back ) . If any one needs too talk to someone feel free I am always free to help someone out.
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