I can’t be alone anymore, because the second I am, I’m holding a tool to my body. And I relapsed once again, after being self injury free for 40 days. I am so disappointed in myself and honestly, I can’t look myself in the mirror anymore. I just wish that this would get easier. The pain, the addiction to injuring, the friendships that continue to fall apart… I’ve been out of the hospital for a little over 3 months and I’ve managed to relapse twice ((and while it doesn’t seem that terrible, considering I used to S.I for two years, I just figured I’d be rid of the tool finally)). I may seem naive, but trust me, I know that recovery is a long journey and that relapse is a major possibility while battling through such a strong and terrible addiction, but no one warned me that I would end up hiding most of my life from the ones that I love, more so than when my injuring all began. I know that I have to push through this and that every day is going to be a challenge, but honestly, I just want to be rid of it. It doesn’t help and now that I relapsed, I can barely move. I feel alone, no matter how many people go through the same thing and no matter how many loved ones I’m surrounded by ((I know it’s the depression talking but my brain can’t seem to understand that)). I just want support, and possibly help if at all possible.