Wow…I cant believe I made it this long. It really boggles my mind that it’s been six months. I just…I mean, part of me feels like it was yesterday and that it’s still a part of me. But I get these random, very rare moments where I just think “Really? I did that? Why?”
I mean…I know why. I’ve studied it so much it’s crazy. I just wonder “why me?” sometimes, you know? This is like the last thing I ever thought I’d be dealing with day in and day out. The scars, the guilt, the shame, and the will-power needed to overcome it is all so hard to deal with some days.
I know six months is good. I realize that. But I want to go even longer. I don’t know how much longer. I will not get cocky and say never again, but I really want to be proud of myself for going so long. But I’m not.
I’m back at college and life is already a crazy, hectic mess of chaos. And I am the girl suffering from depression and addicted to self injury who is the queen of acting like I am the happiest person ever. My friend told me he would have guessed snow white was depressed before he would guess I am. Well, he has been proven wrong.
Anyways…time for sleep to prepare for another insane day.