I am having really self destructive thoughts. I think I feel “manic” ? I want to drive very very fast and I am in a great mood but I keep thinking suicidal thoughts and ways in which I could shut myself off from everyone and go away. I start school tomorrow. I haven’t been in a classroom in 6 years and I’m pretty nervous. Ive prayed and gone to  meetings and called people like I’m supposed to. I still feel like drinking, injuring, using.