I have very low self esteem and I know where it comes from, my outer appearance. It’s very hard for me to even type this down saying I am…….over weight…….ughh and I hate that I am. I look in the mirror everyday and in complete grossed out on how I look like. I have other issues going on with my life, but the one thing I have been wanting is better confidence in my self. I HATE myself! I have tried to make a difference but in the back of my head I think to myself why even bother it wont make a difference. Now that I moved I’m hoping I can focus on myself and change but then I have my moments of feeling alone and it stops me from trying. I have tried to get some motivation before from people but they either were just like ummm ohkay. Like if they didn’t care about me. I have this fear of being alone forever and not having anybody who will love me for who I am, but I do know I have to love myself first but it is REALLY HARD! my friends think i am the strongest person but what they don’t know I hide all my deep inner thoughts and the pain I feel. They really don’t know how emotional pain I go through because when I’m around the people I love and care for I always act like if nothing is wrong because I want to be strong for them and I usually tend to put myself last but this time I want to do it for me! Easier said then done, right now as I’m writing this I can honestly think I can do it but I bet in the next couple hours I will have given up on myself. I just keep switching back and fourth and it hate that! Just for once I wish I could believe in myself….but sure I know i wont amount to my goal…..