I just moved into a new house. It’s chaos. My girlfriend just had this huge mental breakdown type thing. I’m sitting on my new bed while she’s yelling and throwing clothes hangers and there are boxes and junk everywhere. I’m so overwhelmed 🙁 I keep wondering to myself how long I ” will last” in recovery. Then I realize I’m doing this and it’s really up to me. No one is going to force me to hurt myself, no one is going to pour alcohol in my mouth without my consent. It’s what feels good and natural to me though and I want it. I want all of it and I want it now. Then where would I be ? I’d be exactly where I am now except I’d probably be full of remorse and pain and self hatred. I’d also probably be hungover and in pain in the morning. All for a few minutes of relief. With all that rational thinking in my head, I still feel like choosing alcohol and self injury right now.
You just have to “last” moment to moment….one tiny step at a time. We ALL need to escape now and then – the escape can be of your choosing. Healthy or unhealthy ways. You know and have done both. Taking a walk, going to a movie, going to see a healthy friend, taking a drive to a favorite safe place….all those things may provide some relief – and you won’t feel horrible the next day. I hope you are trying some of those things. Moving is so hard, a new place is so hard – even if it’s a positive change – it’s still an adjustment. One.Moment.At.A.Time. You can do this.
Best wishes……