I just moved into a new house. It’s chaos. My girlfriend just had this huge mental breakdown type thing. I’m sitting on my new bed while she’s yelling and throwing clothes hangers and there are boxes and junk everywhere. I’m so overwhelmed 🙁 I keep wondering to myself how long I ” will last” in recovery. Then I realize I’m doing this and it’s really up to me. No one is going to force me to hurt myself, no one is going to pour alcohol in my mouth without my consent. It’s what feels good and natural to me though and I want it. I want all of it and I want it now. Then where would I be ? I’d be exactly where I am now except I’d probably be full of remorse and pain and self hatred. I’d also probably be hungover and in pain in the morning. All for a few minutes of relief. With all that rational thinking in my head, I still feel like choosing alcohol and self injury right now.