I’ve been forgetting about self harm lately. Haven’t thought of doing it, haven’t even thought of even touching any of the tools I have. Until today. I went to the doctors today for a physical and my mom brought up about how I hurt myself. I mean, I understand because it’s the doctor. But when my mom left the room, the doctor wouldn’t let it go. I told her I was fine and that I haven’t done anything for almost two months now. The look she was giving me made me paranoid. I felt as if she was judging me. I know not everyone understands this stuff, but she flat out said, “Stop hurting yourself. I want you to stop. Now.” Honestly, I can’t just automatically stop when I’ve been doing it for three years, especially when someone who I don’t even know tells me to. She doesn’t know me and I don’t know her. I’m not going to stop because she told me to. Yeah, she’s a doctor, I get she’s concerned about my health, but it irritated me so much how she wouldn’t let it go. I don’t know how many times I told her, “Counseling doesn’t help me. I can handle this on my own. I’m fine.” But the look she was giving me.. I feel as if every time I try talking to someone about it, they all give me that same look. That’s why I stopped opening up to people who don’t understand. Sure they say they do, but about 98% of the time I really don’t believe them when they tell me they do. Maybe it’s me being paranoid or maybe it’s what’s actually happening. I can’t even tell anymore. I stopped caring and totally forgot about it all, but that changed after today.