I can’t bring up those memories on Thursday but if i bring up those painful memories during therapy then i could cry and i don’t know if i would be able to stop. Last time my therapist and i started to bring these memories i Self harmed after my session. What if me lasting for 5 weeks gets screwed by one day i can’t disappoint my friends and i’ll just hate myself even more than i do now. I’m overwhelmed, i’m scared, i’m stressed and i just want to curl up in a ball and be free from all of these overwhelming things and be ” normal” whatever normal is. Why is it after 5 weeks of being SI free now i just have this huge urge that i don’t know what to do with.. i can distract myself but that’s not going to take all the anxiety, fear and pressure off. I am not really texting my friends because i just didn’t want to be a burden on them any more. I feel like i’m always a burden that worries them. I’m heading back on campus on the 18th and i’m scared everything is going to fall apart. I don’t want to relapse i don’t want that disappointment or failure feeling. I don’t want to bring up memories on thursday even though i know that i should.