So I had an old account on here, but don’t remember my old username… so here we go again.  I started harming myself about 4 months ago, and to be honest, it scares me that I’m doing this to myself.  If someone asked me 6 months ago if I would ever see the possibility of this happening to me, I would flat out deny it.  Yet, here I am.  The longest I’ve been able to go without is maybe two weeks, but I’m finding it easier to do this without a second thought, and more and more things are able to set off a trigger. A fight with my family, dwelling on why alot of my “close” friends treat me like dirt, and alot of other little things. I’ve built up a wall, and there are maybe 4 or 5 people who have seen me without the mask on. There’s so much going on with my family right now, that the last thing they have time to worry about is the walls that I have put up, the ones that they don’t even realize are there. All of my fake smiles are so common, that people actually believe I’m happy. There are days when I purposely leave the marks visible, in hopes that someone might see them, and take the time to care.  There are times when I just want things to end so badly,  that I seriously consider what the easiest way out of it all would be. But I can’t do that, not when there are other people who need my help and support, because even though it would be easy, it would also be selfish of me. And that’s something I can’t do to the people who truly care about me.