I’m living a lie and I can’t take it anymore. My friends can’t see who the real me is. To them, I’m this really fun loving, outgoing, happy, hyper, loving, caring person. But deep inside I’m not. I’m suffering from depression. I hate who I am. I hate who I’ve become. To my camp, I’m just the girl with pink hair. Because of my past. Everyone does that, judge me by my past. It’s not right. I know I’m only 14, and I know being a non virgin at that age is wrong but who are they to tell me my mistakes are wrong? Who are they to remind me when I already know. The main downfall to life is that people are cruel and obnoxious when it comes to things like this. They don’t know maturity if it could save their life. I wish my friends understood. My friends all the time joke about S.I, suicide and rape and they don’t understand how bad that hurts me inside. I’ve never told any of my friends except a few how I feel. Mainly because no one understands. I want out of this thing they call life. But I know I can make it through.
Haven’t S.I in over 2 weeks. I hope I can make it longer.
I saw this post on facebook the other day that said something like “Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you.”
We shouldn’t judge each other. Everyone has done something they regret…that’s life. I’m sorry that you have to put up with judgement with everyone you’re around. It’s not right and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.
I have friends (and professors…) who joke about SI and suicide and rape too. It’s wrong and I’ve balled my eyes out because of it.
I’ve come to a very interesting point in my life recently where, if a friend does not treat me right, I know that it’s not worth my tears or my time. I’ve gone most of this summer without any friends to hang out with. I just recently started hanging out with a friend from my childhood, but now he’s ignoring me, and I’m not wasting my breath. Call me picky, but I’ve been hurt too many times by “friends” to be stupid enough to let the same kind of people in my life again.
Friends play a big factor in getting through life. If you don’t have ones you can trust with things that you’d never tell anyone else, you bottle it up inside. I’m not going to tell you to ditch your friends because that’s probably unrealistic, but just think next time about what YOU deserve instead of giving them what they THINK they are entitled to.
Now, I have two best friends that I can tell anything to. They both live far away, which stinks, but I can talk to them whenever I want and not be judged, laughed at, or mocked. I’m 19 so it took me a while, but I promise that there are good people out there.
You’re 14 and you have gone through so much. You deserve for people to treat you right and to accept you and your past, not fakes who pretend that they’re perfect because they haven’t done something you have. I guarantee they have all done something that you haven’t that they are ashamed of, and their defense mechanism is to point out your mistakes (that you are clearly sorry for) just to make themselves feel better.
You’re not living a lie, they are. You are just not allowing people to see past your first layer, which is okay for now, because only certain people deserve to know the real you.
Well, I’ve talked enough.
Two weeks is amazing! Congrats!! 🙂
email me anytime. I’d love to talk to you. visiblyperfectinvisiblyscarred@gmail.com
I’m coming into my fourth month of not SI after two and a half years of injuring (no scars amazingly enough).
I’m now 17 so I started when I was a year older than you. Before I started SI my life was perfect:I was a High Honor Roll student with straight A’s, I had amazing friends, my home life was good, and I was enjoying life a lot.
Then everything went down the drain. My life flipped upside down in a day. My “friends” left me for “cooler” kids, I started getting B’s in school which made my parents expect more out of me, I became the target for jokes and bullying along with other things.
I finally cracked with all the pressure on my shoulders. My first injuries were mainly hidden. My mom noticed them when I was driving but I lied saying “oh it happened by some black berries moving some of those downed trees yesterday.” She accepted what I said as the truth.
Skipping ahead as I’m starting to ramble.
The SI became worse and my mood overall changed a lot. I would have shouting matches with my mother every night after school. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night.
I finally broke down and told one of my friends that I really trusted. It turned out that she was dealing with similar problems and was injuring too. We became a supporting person for each other and we both stopped SI.
But then after a particularly hard day of talking about my grades with my teachers (which had slipped to D’s and C’s, which my parents were not happy about) I nearly took my life. I called my friend up in tears saying I was done with everything and I was going to end it but she talked me out of it.
If you want to talk email me: liamnutt@gmail.com