Today has been one of those days where getting out of bed is literally the hardest thing in the world.
I had a dr. appointment this morning and had to wake up at 8, which isn’t that early. But I barely slept last night. I tried to sleep, but I felt like my sleep was very shallow. I woke up feeling like I’d been up all night. I went to my appointment and then came home and got back into bed. I stayed in bed for an hour and a half “sleeping” but again I don’t feel like I slept. When I woke up, I went back to sleep again.
Finally, I figure I should get up. But I didn’t. I just watched tv from my bed for, well, three hours now I believe. And here I am on my computer…sitting in my bed…just feeling awful. I just don’t want to do anything. My dad is off of work today and here I am, barely able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom let alone go to the beach or to the store with him.
I don’t understand why I feel this way…I don’t know if I should force myself to get out of bed and do something or not. My depression has gotten a lot more sporadic. Usually I feel awful for a few weeks and then I feel good for a few weeks and then go back to feeling awful. But now it’s like one day I’m fine, the next I’m not. One morning I’m feeling awesome and by the time it gets to the evening I feel like balling my eyes out. How does that make any sense?
The urge to self injure has, strangely, not been that strong in the last couple days. It was really bad the last few weeks, but I don’t feel the urge right now. All I want to do is sleep…and cry.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better…