I was insanely triggered to hurt myself today. It started with a shirt. At work I have a pretty standard dress code, black shirt with khaki pants, no visible tattoos or piercings. There was a big promotion this weekend for a new summer drink they came out with and everyone was sent these ugly t shirts to wear. The one I got is a size to big and so I wore a long sleeved shirt underneath it, because it was just more comfortable that way. Anyway, I hadn’t worn this shirt in a long time and for some reason just the memory of wearing a certain shirt made me miss the old me. I have clothes in my closet now that just sit there because I don’t need to wear them anymore to hide. I pass by them every morning and my gf asks why don’t I throw old clothes away and I get irritated sometimes. I think I keep them just in case, or as a reminder, or it just comforts me. I don’t miss the anxiety of trying to find clothes to hide behind or the anxiety I felt and have read others feel when healing starts. If anything made me feel crazy, that’s one thing for sure. These are little things that go along with self injury that I have to remind myself of. I forget how it interfered with my life in the little ways as well as the more obvious ways.