So I’ve had this song stuck in my head and I keep thinking about it and realized…I’m not living my life for me.  Im never home.  I don’t do anything for me anymore. I don’t read anymore. Reading is my thing.  I read to escape. I go to a coffee shop and read for hours on end, IM not doing that anymore.  I can’t even remember what the last book I read was.  So anyway this brings me back to the sOng. It goes like this

I can see the writing on the wal

I can’t ignore this war

At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

 

So I mean who am I really living for,  if I can’t do thins I love, what’s the point. I feel all I do now for me is si. Or I guess carry a tool.  I haven’t sied in a while.  Today I had some really strong urges.  Its weird though, when I realized I didn’t have a tool I wanted to take draw all over my arms.  I just wanted to see something. To feel something on my skin. So I don’t know what kind of urges these are. Idk I want to go si now, but I’m not. I’m going to play on the Internet until I pass out. Hopefully.