SO Life. Been pretty confusing lately…. My SI? I don’t know what’s happened…. I feel like I’ve gone completely backwards. I want to SI and I do. It’s like when I get all tense and stressed out- it’s not like I usually would. I can handle my everyday stress without SI, but I feel like my depression is creeping in again more often than not. I feel like I can’t open up to anyone, not even my boyfriend of almost 4 months about it. He tries and tries to get me to talk but I just can’t let those words out. He does know I SI though. He doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable by asking which I really respect and appreciate. But at the same time I feel guilty because I know he worries about me too. So hard to talk about…. It’s hard to believe I’ve been back and forth with this for 5 years now. I really do doubt I’ll ever get over this sometimes. Nothing seems to be enough to make me stop. I keep thinking that If I ever get sick of it all and want to make everyone disappear I know exactly what to say. I just show them what they only get glimpses of and they will all D i s a p p e a r.