tonight i am a mess. i hurt myself. and in the process i have hurt those around me. no one in my life deserves this. no one deserves a bipolar mess. and i am doing this to my kids. i am messing them up for life. they don’t deserve a messed up mom. my husband doesn’t deserve a bipolar wife. i don’t understand how in the world this happened. why would God allow this? this. after 3 miscarriages. after surgeries and depression and hurting myself. bipolar. i have no one to talk to about this. this is the first time i have let it out. i feel so hopeless in all of this. i have very little control. i read a book about bipolar and i am feeling more hopeless and shamed than i did before. i am such a mess. i am suck a freaking mess.