I started SIing when I was 12 and stopped about 2 or so years ago when I was 27. Last time I posted was over a year ago and I was taking action for me and my happiness. The move my husband I made to a new location was the best decision. We are very happy and satisfied with life – for the most part.
However, as proud of myself as I am, the SI urges are coming back now that I am working and going back to school for my Master’s. Slowly I can feel the same emotions that lead to the familiar urges. Recognizing this, I am back in counseling. I do not want to go back to SI even though it would be so easy to just slip back into it.
It has been so freeing not to have SI as a part of my everyday life. I suppose it will always be whenever I look at my body and the scars left behind, but I am choosing to look at them and feel proud of what I have overcome. It is hard to not feel shame sometimes, especially when I push up a long sleeve on accident and someone sees – but this is who I am.
There is a life outside of SI, and it can be so great and wonderful. There is hope and there is help. It just took me a while to realize I had to take the initiative and do something for me and make the decisions that were the best for me – not what I thought others wanted.
It will be okay. You will be okay. Seek help when you need it. There are people who care, and who can help. I hope one day I can be one of those that helps others, because I understand the need for support and understanding.