It’s a miracle I haven’t self injured in the past few weeks and more specifically in the past few days. I take it one day at a time, sometime one hour. But in the moment, it’s so hard to remember the pain and remorse I felt before and would most likely feel again. I felt remorse and shame from the very first time I did it over a decade ago. I had a phone conversation with my therapist today and it was a sensitive subject kind of about boundaries. After I hung up, I knew I wasn’t being completely honest with her about how I REALLY felt about the conversation. It’s so hard to share my “crazy” thoughts. So I called back and gritted my teeth and told her. I KNOW in my head it’s “black and white thinking” but knowing it doesn’t make it less intense-it actually makes me feel more stupid because I know what’s going on, I know the names for what’s going on usually…but I think it anyway just because I just do, I always have.