Wow! It’s been four months since the last time I self injured.  Part of me feels like that’s not long at all, but another part of me feels like it’s a lifetime. I’ve made it four months before, but then I relapsed only a week or so after.

It’s so weird…see part of me feels like I’ve come so far. But then there are days when those thoughts will creep in and the urges will be so bad I don’t know why I even stopped in the first place.  The urges have gotten to be fewer and further between, but they are still at the same intensity. My hands can still get that numb feeling and all I can think about is SI in the moment.  I’ll ball my eyes out for hours upon hours just hating myself and everything that is going on around me.

Now I’ve developed other ways to cope. Well, I’m still searching for the perfect way, but I’ve tried many ways. I’ve tried sewing, painting my nails, writing, taking walks, and driving around. They all have worked at one time or another but I think I still have a ways to go.  Crying helps, but I can only cry for so long and then I need an activity to do if the urge lasts longer than an hour, which it usually does.

Four months. It feels like just yesterday.

Self harm recovery is possible!!! Just know that relapses are a part of it. Don’t get discouraged and get right back up. 🙂

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