I don’t how much longer I can do this. I am having almost constant thoughts of hurting myself. I see these vivid images in my head and they won’t go away. A friend reminded me tonight to think of the remorse I’d feel I the morning. I remember the remorse well, but the instant comfort I’m looking for right now kind of overshadows that. I cannot stay like this!!! This too shall pass-it’s cliche but I think it’s true and I think if I go through tonight without acting on my thoughts I will see how I feel in the morning. I can’t tell you how strong these urges are. I know you will all understand that. I keep thinking suicidal thoughts. Dark thoughts. I need to clarify that I do not want to end my life-I’m just having these thoughts come into my head. Its freaking me out!!!
My main question (and you don’t need to answer – it’s to think about) is WHY? Why do you need comfort so much? Why are you hurting so much that you think you need that level of comforting?
I’m sure there are the usual lousy financial issues, and day to day issues that are weighing you down. That happens to us all, and it’s very difficult. But there are also times we can handle those things and take them in stride almost.
This seems deeper – like something much stronger inside of you. Talk, write, scream about it. Search for it. Yes, you want to go back to self injuring – and that obsession is foremost in your mind. But what is that obsession about? Figure out what’s driving the obsession. If you’re working with a therapist – call that person and talk to them. Pay attention to all of your dreams/nightmares – they may also hold clues.
When life and feelings get frantic – STOP. Take some time to figure out WHY these urges are so strong. I know you know this – it’s clear from your previous posts. But I thought I’d stress it even more.
Hang in there. You can get through this hard time.