At this very moment , I feel done. Not good enough. Ugly. Annoying.

I don’t feel like I deserve to live on Earth.  I want to get away … from everything.

When I look at myself in the mirror , I don’t see anything special , all the things my mom always tells me… like how I’m beautiful. I’m special. I’m a gift from God. Well , I don’t even think God exists.

NOBODY knows what happens after life. You might just dissolve into dust. Or become ghosts. Nobody really knows. So all you have to do is have something to believe in. That one special thing that helps you move on. And for most people , that’s God.

I really don’t understand though . I mean , I used to believe in Him. I would read the bible , get involved in all the things happening at our church. But in these times , I guess I don’t have the same feelings like I used to.

There are so many questions that circle around in my head. I was raised Christian my entire life , and now I don’t even know the meaning of hope. Maybe it’s because I don’t see any. ‘Hope’ to me , is just a word. I just don’t know…