At this very moment , I feel done. Not good enough. Ugly. Annoying.
I don’t feel like I deserve to live on Earth. I want to get away … from everything.
When I look at myself in the mirror , I don’t see anything special , all the things my mom always tells me… like how I’m beautiful. I’m special. I’m a gift from God. Well , I don’t even think God exists.
NOBODY knows what happens after life. You might just dissolve into dust. Or become ghosts. Nobody really knows. So all you have to do is have something to believe in. That one special thing that helps you move on. And for most people , that’s God.
I really don’t understand though . I mean , I used to believe in Him. I would read the bible , get involved in all the things happening at our church. But in these times , I guess I don’t have the same feelings like I used to.
There are so many questions that circle around in my head. I was raised Christian my entire life , and now I don’t even know the meaning of hope. Maybe it’s because I don’t see any. ‘Hope’ to me , is just a word. I just don’t know…
Dear SecretGirl,
I understand what your going through, I was raised Christian my whole life too but now that I actually think about it, does God even exist? He may or may not, no one will never really know until we die. And even then who’s to say we have to believe in him? I’m trying to say is even if you don’t believe in God don’t give up hope, you are special, and you are not ugly, what my mom always tells me is who’s the judge of what beautiful is? No one. Everyone has their own opinion of beautiful and to someone else you are beautiful. Keep believing <3
I’d just like to point out the irony of this post and my username haha. Anyway, serious.
Hope is just a word until you have some life behind it. Hope is what you are left with when you’re stripped to your bare bones and have nothing else to turn to. In a way, hope is usually someone’s last resort. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.
It’s perfectly okay to be hesitant or skeptical about God. He’s a pretty mysterious guy, and frankly, it’d be very unusual to be completely sold and not have any questions.
I went through a period of doubting God. The thing is, sometimes you can’t really go by what you think. You have to go to a different part of yourself and be open to feeling something. Not in a cheesy way, but in a deep way. It’s a realization that there’s no way people just evolved into such intelligent and highly functioning life. How could the universe just POOF out of a massive explosion? Flowers just blooming of their own accord and the perfect cycle of the moon don’t happen. But facts don’t make you FEEL anything. They just get old and spouted off like they’re enough to get you by.
Everyone goes through times when it’s even harder to believe in anything. Much less something you can’t see or touch.
I guess my main point is to not give up yet. Hang in there and stay open. You might just be surprised by what comes out of it