I just wanted to share something that irritated me just a little bit ago. I went to a psychiatrist office today to check in about some medication and see whats going on with me…part of whats going on with me is a lot of strong urges to SI. I told her that, I assured her I’m not currently in danger of hurting myself. We talked about some other things too. It seemed like she was uncomfortable talking about self injury. Granted I was a little uncomfortable bringing it up, not because I’m ashamed anymore but regaurdless of how much I’ve talked about it, it’s still something very personal and such a private act by nature that I feel a little vulnerable. Now what bothered me was we both stand up to leave the office and she is handing me the prescriptions and she said now THIS one here you need to take if you are feeling urges to…” She didn’t say the word, she made a gesture with her hand across her arm motioning hurting herself. I don’t know why that bothered me so much but it did. I was thinking wow that was so awkward and unprofessional. There are so many ways to say self injury, self mutilation…whatever, in a professional way. It was the gesture of doing it. I was just like “…really…did she just do that?” in my head. Again, it’s not a big deal, I just wanted to share. Maybe some of you have had similar experiences.
That is a big deal in my book, and I’m sorry it happened. A supposedly trained psychiatrist or therapist should not make you feel judged or any other negative way about something very private that you share with them. You weren’t telling someone at the store – you were telling someone who should be trained on the subject of self injury. It’s sad that she would do that, and I’d encourage you to tell someone at that practice how it made you feel. It may not be something you want or need to take on, and that’s obviously fine if that’s the case. But especially if this was not a psychiatrist you’ve seen before, if you know someone at the practice better – I’d feel free to mention it. She should better educate herself on the subject to be able to be a support to people.
We hear of so many reactions similar to this – and what I would say to everyone reading this – is it’s not YOU – it’s them. The subject of self injury should be explored and taught more in school, and it isn’t. You are brave to carry on and keep reaching out for help, even if it means having to educate some people along the way.
Best wishes, Pam
This has happened to me before so many times. I absolutely hate it. And a lot of times it’s not even directed at me personally, but people make fun of self injury like it’s a joke. It doesn’t make any sense.
I saw this one counselor who literally mocked me to my face with a smirk on his. It is really triggering what he said/did so I won’t say it, but suffice it to say, I never went back to him.
My professor at my college made fun of self injury just like you said. He was talking about a depressing show and said that it makes people want to… and then made that same gesture. He did it twice during the class and all my friends LAUGHED. I just wanted to cry.
Another time, my friend saw a henna tattoo I had on my wrist and asked me “Oh are you hurting yourself again?” (except he said a specific kind of self injury) while laughing and I just went along with it and laughed with him, telling him yes, all the time. It was awful because the henna was actually covering scars.
Another friend saw where I accidentally hurt myself by walking into something and went on this rant with a smile about how “You have people who love you! You don’t have to do that to yourself. That’s bad. Come on, let me give you a hug!” and I balled my eyes out as soon as I got back to my dorm because little did he know, recent self injury marks were only a few inches above underneath my clothes…and he was mocking me without knowing it.
People don’t realize what this does, and it’s even worse when the “Professionals” don’t even understand it! But trust me, there are therapists out there who know how to help in the right way! You may just have to go through some real idiots first to find the right one.
Hope you find a good counselor soon! You’re not alone! Stay strong 🙂