The medication change is lousy. I know it takes a week or two for the body to adjust but I hate the spacey weird sleepy feeling. Today when I closed my eyes I saw images of myself hurting myself. Vivid images. That was hard to see because I felt a sense of excitement and anticipation. I fell asleep. I know there are ups and there are downs and they are inevitable in life- but it’s so hard when you’re IN it 🙁 I feel so hopeless and so frantic and I can’t concentrate on anything. I hate this. I have that fear I will always be like this and there will never be a long term solution to “fix” whatever is different in my mind. Then the healthier thought for me is well this is how it is, this is how it’s always been in my mind, I’ll just keep up with therapy and recovery and practicing the thigs I learn and maybe one day it will come more naturally. Maybe one day doing the healthy thing will feel comfortable and come to my mind before the unhealthy “sick” thoughts and ideas and solutions I’m so used to.