Last night I lost my virginity (I’m 15) durring a hookup, to a boy, that i thought was different. We’ve been talking on fb for like a month. He lives down the street from me. He was saying how I was so beautiful and cute, and gorgeous, and how he doesn’t want me to SI, but how he’s been there before.. so he can’t say that he hasn’t. I felt like I wasn’t alone when he said that too me. I felt like I could talk to him. (he picked me up and we went to his house durring all of this) We went to his house, and he brought me up to his room, and we sat on the couch and talked and cuddled. He touched my arm and said ” awe you shouldn’t do this.. but i’d be lying to you if I said I’ve never done it before” He told me I was too cute. I said to hiim that I wasn’t cute. And then he moved my hair out of my face, touched his hand to my face and pulled me in for a kiss. Then we talked a little more, and he said ” I should show you my lights, since its the last night i’m here I should use them.” So he turned on all these cool different christmas lights that changed and stuff. and we cuddled more and the I got tired, so he said well we can go lay down on my bed. So we went and laid down on his bed. Shortly after his friend who’s a girl called him and was like ” what are you doing?! and he’s like i’m busy right now, and shes like oh your with that chick, are you gonna get it? and then he was like idk.” I felt so vunerable. So alone. I felt used. I’ve never actually gone on a date before. I’ve only been on hookups. So I don’t feel special. I feel aweful!
When we were on his bed, I thought we weren’t going to be doing anything, and slowly things changed. We had sex. I let a boy that I barley knew do everything to me, I let him see what I won’t even let my best friends see. I let him in to things that I didn’t even let my own mother into, until a couple years ago.
He was like “please dont’ have regrets, this was for you.” and I didn’t know what to think. Because at that moment I really had no feelings about what happend, because everything just happend, like a flash of light; so fast.
Last night I was going back in fourth in my mind about how I felt about the whole thing.
And now i’m not sure. I just need guidance and support and comfort. I need someone to talk to; Please!?