“It’s hard to stay strong when you look around and every part of your world is crumbling down, and you can’t do anything to stop it.” That quote applies to me at the moment. Almost 3 weeks being SI free… and soon it might end up being destroyed yet again. My life feels like it is falling apart. My dad is in the hospital and he doesn’t live in my area he lives in another state so i have no idea how he is right now. I had friend who exposed my SI secret to a group of her friends last year and it still freaks me out that her friends might have told other people. Lets go beyond that, my family seems to be falling apart.
Parents split when i was in 5th grade which was when i started to SI. I moved out of the house i lived in from birth to 5th grade, into a home with just my mom and brother with no furniture and very little food. Three of us slept on one blow up mattress for i don’t remember how long. My grandmother died in 6th grade along with my cousin and my parents were divorcing. My dads brothers and sisters left us and pretended my brother and i didn’t exist. Now my moms side of the family is falling apart. It is 1:37am and i am wide awake with a huge urge. My dad is going to have surgery at 7am and i’m here because i can’t do a thing. i can’t do a single thing just like when my parents split, divorced,grandmother died, cousin died, 3uncles and one aunt decided to forget about us, when my mom had her ex who hit her and was attracted to me, when we had little food, when i had health issues, when i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, i formed an eating disorder and yet people have it worse and i’m over here complaining. Right now this urge is huge and i’m just typing away, I can’t help anyone at this point.. not even myself. Maybe that made no sense at all but i am trying to hold on and it’s really hard right now.