I’ve been hurting myself for about three years now and I’ve been going to counseling ever since. I stopped for about six months but I started again. The guy I was dating use to abuse me. Even when we broke up he would still find a way to hurt me. Now police are involved and so are my parents. But he still will do anything to try to hurt me and I am terrified to tell anyone about it. I know I should, but it’s so difficult. I promised myself I wouldn’t tell anyone who would make me do anything about it and I really don’t want to break another promise to myself. On top of all of that, I started hurting myself during this whole situation again. I don’t even know why. I’m sick of getting hurt, but now I don’t even feel the pain when I injure myself. I haven’t told anyone I started hurting myself again because I’m pretty sure I can handle it myself. I’ve talked to my counselor about this, but honestly, I feel like counseling makes it so much worse. People say I should stop, the people who know I use to hurt myself, but why should I stop something that helps me? I use to hurt myself because I was in that stage of depression. I’ve been hospitalized twice now for trying to kill myself. I have a loving family and great friends, but I can’t open up to them. People will look at me and say “She has nothing wrong with her life, why is she hurting herself?” and that really frustrates me. Nobody knows what goes on in my life, who are they to judge me? I feel like a hypocrite though because my really good friend hurts himself really badly and I give him advice on why he shouldn’t, and yet, I’m hurting myself. I don’t even know what triggers me anymore. I act happy in school, outside of school, and anywhere where people are really. But then when I’m alone, I just get that wave of depression over me and act how I really am. Sometimes I don’t think people really understand this when they tell me they do. I’m actually terrified and just lost… I just wish people could see behind my eyes…