Last Friday i was 5 weeks free away from Self harm. Being five weeks free felt amazing because i haven’t lasted that long in years. During mothers day weekend i came home from college to spend time with my mom. That day my Professor emailed me the grade i got on my paper and then finals were coming up so i was stressed out. Five weeks of pure joy and the feeling that i was done with Self harm forever. On Saturday May 12th i ruined it, i disappointed myself and it destroyed me. I’ve lasted a week and i hate it because i lasted 5 long weeks and now i can’t go back to that. I can’t take those five weeks back and i’m struggling right now. I’m home for the summer because my second semester of college is over and mentally things are getting worse. I’m trying so hard to last and on top of that i still hate myself for ruining those five weeks and for what, something that only helps temporarily? Yet i know this and i can’t get away because i rather be okay for that one moment.. is that normal? I don’t know what’s wrong with me.. why did i ruin this ? How can i get over this? Why can’t i just snap out of this? I’M FALLING APART!! I My thoughts just continue to climb and get worse. I’m stressing out over simple things and giving attitude towards people who i love. I’m trying to last for five weeks again but i’m not sure how much longer i can last.