Today is one of those days where everything just stinks. I’ve only been up for a few minutes and I’m already miserable. I can feel myself sliding down into the hazy blue that so often surrounds me. Today’s my junior prom at school … I kind of wish I was going. I wanted to go even though I told my friends that I didn’t, I wanted to go … just not by myself. But I was past wanting to go to prom, I was past being upset that I wasn’t going. I thought my sister was going to spend the day with me shopping or hanging out and now I find out that I’m stuck at home alone all morning then I have to go bale hay. Great day of prom … I know it seems petty to get caught up in stuff like that but … I’m stuck on it because I built unrealistic expectations of something and now they’ve crumbled. I let myself believe that I was going to do something fun and that today would work out and it’s most definitely not working. Not only do I now have to bale hay, but we’re short on hands to help. I can’t really ask anyone to help because they’re all going to prom …. And now the failed plans and other problems are feeding the urge to SI. I hate how stupid stuff like prom or messed up plans can get to me. I hate how even the smallest thing is able to bog me down. I guess I’m like a sled, the slightest push or lean sends me flying downhill into the low spots and then it takes a significantly greater amount of time and effort to drag the sled, or me, back up the pit that I’ve fallen in. And the whole time that you’re dragging the sled back up the hill you know that if the slightest thing makes you loosen your grip on the sled that it’ll go soaring back to the bottom of the pit. Even when I’m on top of the hill, on top where I’m not depressed, I’m precariously balanced, like something on a window sill. I’m on top but the slightest breeze sends me immediately downward. I wish I was able to anchor myself more, so I didn’t fall as much. I don’t know …