Today I wanted to scream. I wanted to run up to everyone and yell in their face and tell them that I’m not ok. I’m not happy. I’m not “better now”. I wanted to go into a corner and cry all day because I can’t shake this awful feeling. But I didn’t. Instead I smiled and laughed, when all I wanted to do was let it all out. I want someone to know my secrets, to be able to help me. But no one is willing to do that. I tried to talk to my mom about my issues and she was so judgmental, and it only made things worse. No one understands what I’m going through in my life right now. i know people do, but not people who I really know. I’m so very tired of being fake, of having to keep this bottled up inside.
I self injured for the first time at school yesterday. I’m scared now, because I think it means I’m on my way to an even bigger cycle. I have never done it before except at home. I’m so, so scared. I just want this to end. I want to be happy, I just don’t know how.