lets go threw this year. Im 15 and had heart surgery and i need to go back, i collapse all the time and i will need heart surgery again bythe end of the year. I lost 3 people that wer so close to me its hurts to see someone with their name. Jimmy, My boyfriend of 10 months, we planned on getting married going threw highschool and college together then starting our lives. I love him, he is the one who taught me how i should be treated. i said we need a break because my depressions getting so bad i was haveing aniexty and panic attacks every day. The next day he was hit by a drunk driver. Hes still in the hospital but hes never going to be the same if he makes it out alive. Then Megan, she is amazing, I love her, She was my best friend. She was killed by a texting teen driver and was killed instantly. JJ, the man who could look at me and instantly tell what i was thinking and what was wrong. He commitied suicide because of me. i go insane and think that this is all my fault and i keep on asking why this is all happening to me. So then i injure myself and want out. I was raped when i was 13 by a boyfriend who was 16. I was sexually assulted by 2 guys who i thought wer my friends while the other 3 just watched. I am not a normal girl iv gone threw more then any one can ever imagine. The only way i can ever get threw things is to use substances or injure my self. i don’t know what im sapose to do..