lets go threw this year. Im 15 and had heart surgery and i need to go back, i collapse all the time and i will need heart surgery again bythe end of the year. I lost 3 people that wer so close to me its hurts to see someone with their name. Jimmy, My boyfriend of 10 months, we planned on getting married going threw highschool and college together then starting our lives. I love him, he is the one who taught me how i should be treated. i said we need a break because my depressions getting so bad i was haveing aniexty and panic attacks every day. The next day he was hit by a drunk driver. Hes still in the hospital but hes never going to be the same if he makes it out alive. Then Megan, she is amazing, I love her, She was my best friend. She was killed by a texting teen driver and was killed instantly. JJ, the man who could look at me and instantly tell what i was thinking and what was wrong. He commitied suicide because of me. i go insane and think that this is all my fault and i keep on asking why this is all happening to me. So then i injure myself and want out. I was raped when i was 13 by a boyfriend who was 16. I was sexually assulted by 2 guys who i thought wer my friends while the other 3 just watched. I am not a normal girl iv gone threw more then any one can ever imagine. The only way i can ever get threw things is to use substances or injure my self. i don’t know what im sapose to do..
I am so sorry that you lost your bestfriends, and have gone through so much pain. You have had to endure what no girl should have to at your age. But you CAN do this. The road to recovery is a long one, but you can make it, I believe in you<3
The first thing you need to do is get help and tell someone about your problems. Does anyone know about the assaults? Can you talk to a counselor at school? You cannot do this on your own, you have to have support. Also, you have to remember that your friends deaths are NOT your fault, and you shouldn't be punishing yourself for that. Don't blame yourself for something you could not have stopped, even though you would have wanted to.
You are going to recover. You'll recover from your surgery, your substance abuse, and your self injury. You can make it through. I'll keep you and Jimmy in my prayers. Let us know how you're doing. You're not alone, and you never will be. Remember that. Stay strong, and don't loose hope. <3