Oh goodbyes are so hard. Our neighbors we have grown close to and been through a lot with the last few years left for south America to move back home tonight. I started moving some small things over to my new house this evening and it feels like everything is changing and I hate it. It leaves me with this sense of dread that I’m convinced is from moving all the time growing up. I would make friends and  be plucked up and moved away again every couple years. The worst for me was moving in the middle of high school. I sunk into a deep scary depression full of self injury and suicidal thoughts. I was so angry. That’s over and now I’m 25 and have friends and have a support system and some stability here where I lived, ive lived here for 4 consecutive years and it’s the longest I’ve ever lived some place. I’ve been struggling with the urge to drink alcohol tonight. I cannot drink or drug or harm myself !!!!!! I want to be oblivious right now, something deeper than the deepest sleep-something healthy and spiritual. Feeling very sad tonight, my mind feels heavy and restless.