trying to decide whether or not i should injure right now. the rational part of my brain is saying no, the rest of me just wants to do it. the depressions been getting worse these past couple months. my boyfriend was the only person i felt comfortable enough to share my problems with, and he dumped me recently so all i can do now is let everything build up inside. i should have known no one would want to deal with that, but i went ahead and told him how screwed up i am anyway and now i don’t have him. not even as a friend, cus i told him i can’t handle being just friends right now. not when i need someone to comfort me so bad. but i have no one and that’s my own fault. this is why i don’t open up to anyone, cus they always end up leaving. i don’t have any substances to get me through all of this right now which is also driving me nuts. injuring seems like the only option but i know that’s not a good idea either.
I understand how frustrating and scary it is not having substances to take the edge off of the pain right now, and hurting yourself seeming the only option. I’m struggling with those same thoughts. For me I think ” If I can’t drown this out with substances , I HAVE to at least hurt myself” Neither is an option for me tonight and I tell myself that as many times as it takes for the moment to pass. Tonight it seems like one big long moment of fighting my old behaviours. You sound like you’re missing that comfort that only comes from being physically close to another person and I get that- but maybe you can find a little of a different kind of comfort in knowing you aren’t alone in this <3