I am 22 years old, I havent self harmed since I was 19.

But I can feel it coming back, I can feel that same feeling I had. The feeling to want to push away the sadness take away the pain anyway I knew possible. It hurt to much, my feelings hurt and I didnt know how to stop them so I injured them away and once I did that I felt everything that was wrong in my life fade away for that one moment. I want to feel happy all the time, I pretend to feel and be happy all the time I hide beind being funny and happy and super cheerful all the time. But they dont feel what I feel they cant be. I havent I want to but I havent. Why is this happening to me why am I feeling like this I have been doing so good for the last 3 years. I have been NORMAL. I am NORMAL I so want to be NORMAL. WHY WHY WHY cant I be why cant I feel just for a little while normal. Is there something wrong with me. I can think and think and think about it till it consumes my every thought but will I, I dont know and thats my answer.