I don’t know where to go, I can’t speak my mind without being told I need to shut up, my opinion getsme in trouble, when someone else says it, and their told its great. I’m being pulled 5,000 different directions, and I don’t know which one to follow. I want to make everyone happy, but I don’t know how. I know I need to stop injuring when it gets to hard to handle things, but I can’t. I tired to explain it on a random chat, because someone had jokes and said I was not worth anything, and they said I was going for attention. I tried to explain I didn’t need it, and I got told to shut up, and keep my negative comments to myself, and it’s so hard. I look at things differently from other people, and it gets me in trouble. And to make it better, I have tests next week that could fail me if I make a mistake. To add to the perfect cherry, everyone is turning on me, snapping because I didn’t breath right. I don’t want to go upstairs, because I know I would hurt myself, but if I talk to somebody, then I am “trying to get attention”. And everyone is telling me I’m ugly, and worthless, and I know their right, and I have wanted to quit so many times this month, let alone last night, and the only thing keeping me from giving up is the fact a friend would be mad at me for not sticking it out. I wish I had known where to turn, but this is the only place I know of. Knowing my luck, everyone’s going to think I’m going to try for attention and stuff, so I don’t know if it matters, but I needed to vent.
I was reminded of how worthless I am today…About 15 mins ago actually…I do whatever is asked of me without question and I lie about it all and say it’s fine I’m okay or alright I’ll do it now… I’m never able to express myself either…I’m screaming on the inside and when I get tired of being pushed I yell back argue and scream…I was forced to do things I didn’t want to do…Its been about 8 months since I’ve harmed myself and I want to do it every second I’m told to stop, shut up, or leave. I’m the cause of arguments in my house that’s no longer my home…. And honestly what keeps me going…is KNOWING they don’t want me here…no matter what they told you you’re not alone… I keep the thought of my best friend and my dog in my head… and I continue to think about how my friend tells me…I’m not allowed to die because it’s only one of me…I CANNOT be replaced…she says that there will always be people who will hate me because I’m an original they don’t want me here…I know now that I have something to prove and I will prove it because they believe I can’t… So wake up and persevere that feeling will come again..but you have something to prove..prove that you may not want or even NEED me here…But there’s nothing you can do about me..Because I won’t stop.. 🙂 im’ sorry if this was too long or if it souded like i was idk preaching but I’m new and I understand how it feels to want to just write it all out! 🙂
sweetie. i know how you feel. sometimes people can be really mean and hurt you for no apparent reason and you just don’t know why. i hate when people say i look for attention because it’s not true. we just want someone to talk to. someone to be there for us. and i want to let you know i can be that someone if you ever need to talk. i am here.