My counselor has been talking about doing a support group in the summer while i’m home from college because she knows that being home can be stressful for me and just the idea of being alone because my mom is at work. On Thursday when she was talking briefly about it she mentioned how there was activities and different levels of care but then she said that i might not even be able to see her in the summer depending on what level of care i need. This DOES NOT sound like a support group to me she said i need to be assessed and everything she said for those 5-10 minutes made it sound like a clinic more than a support group. I refuse to go now she said she would talk more about it this Thursday but i feel lied to i guess. When i first started therapy at the end of September i was scared that i would be too much for a counselor to handle having an eating disorder or Self Harm to the point that she would give up and hand me off to someone else. Maybe i’m just assuming things but right now that’s how i’m feeling. I don’t want to do this in the summer if it means losing my counselor because she knows everything that i don’t tell other people. I trust her and i refuse to open up to someone new all over again and tell my story when it was hard the first time. Soon i’m just going to stop therapy all together why bother i trusted her and i feel like i was lied to and betrayed. Am i bad enough that i have to go somewhere else in the summer i don’t even know if it’s a clinic or not or if it is a clinic whether i have to inpatient or outpatient. At this moment i refuse to go and soon i’m just going to stop all my appointments together from seeing my doctor every month to seeing my counselor on campus every two weeks the doctor on campus every two weeks the nutritionist on campus every two weeks and my psychiatrist every month. Just stop dealing with all my appointments i can’t handle feeling abnormal being on medication for my bipolar disorder or having to weighed every month and every two weeks. When i’m on campus they don’t even let me see my weight or even tell me.
My therapist is so concerned about me in the summer but soon i’m just going to lie and say i’m going to be fine and that i’m not worried any more.
hi, I have a lot to say to this. I can REALLY relate. I started therapy March of 2011. I started seeing her because of my susbstance abuse, self injury,bulimia,BPD…I guess just everything.At first, from what I remember, it provided so much comfort. Then after a couple months when I was just coming to every session taking anti anxiety meds or too hungover to function well-she suggested a 30-day in patient program. After some debate and after realizing I really must have an actual problem if my therapist is suggesting it- I decided i’d start looking. She said she couldn’t continue working with me if I didn’t get clean and sober.That made me so upset. I was so scared, and she said she’d be there with me the whole way, she said she’d walk me in the place, she said it would all be ok and she’d call and check in while I was there. By a chain of unexpected events I ended up baker acted hours after one session and she called me in the hospital. That was last I heard from her and I felt SO betrayed. I was angry, but it was because I was hurt. I called her every name in the book, I thought she was a liar, that she didn’t care about me like she said. After treatment last year I realized WHY there was little contact. I also found out she and my therapist at the treatment center talked regularly about my progress, or lack of progress. So she wasn’t gone afterall, she just had to take a side seat while the therapist at the treatment center worked with me. Now I see how beneficial that was and how that would have totally interferred with my treatment in rehab. I don’t think I ever would have started trusting the therapist at rehab if I had had my outside therapist to lean on while I was there. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it made sense to me afterterward that she did what was best for me.
After I finished inpatient 30 days and outpatient 60 days I ended up staying with my therapist from rehab and not continuing to see the therapist I started with. I’ve been with her now for almost 9 months through a lot of ups and downs and I trust her now. Just last Friday I asked the hardest question there is for me to ask a therapist. I asked her if I was too attatched to her and if it was time yet for me to see her every other week. I let my guard totally down to answer that question. It was hard, but the trust part was huge, I trusted she knows me well enough to be honest with me but in a way that I don’t feel stupid or I don’t regret my vulnerability. I don’t know if that makes sense either, but because I trusted her I was able to ask a question that was very hard and scary for me to ask another person.
My POINT is…to get to that place where I trust her with my feelings and I believe now that I’m not “too much” for her-I had to confront things like the situation you’re in. If you havent already, I’d suggest telling her exactly how what she said makes you feel. That you feel like she’s lied to you and betrayed you. The times that I told her she made me feel stupid, or I felt like she hated me, just recently I told her that I was upset that I said something and she didn’t think it was a big deal…I’ve told her when she pissed me off…saying those uncomfortable feelings to her the times that I have, has helped me in therapy SO much. I’m working on it still, asking her that question and sitting through the answer last Friday was huge for me. It’s all a process and I don’t know anything other than what I’ve personally experienced but if nothing else-I get how you feel lied to or betrayed, and I get that you want to just quit. I felt like “I’ll show her, I will worry her and stop coming!!!!!”…But REALLY, I wanted the opposite, I wanted comfort and help and for her to not leave me and I think sometimes I was just testing the waters to see what havoc I could raise and see if she’d still stick around. Thats just me, those were some of the things I thought. It feels very strange to type those things out, it’s like telling a deep secret. Maybe you can relate, maybe not 🙂 I hope it al works out for you and I hope you wont quit just yet. If you have the oppurtunity to be able to use therapy and group therapy, and a clinic if that’s what it is…I’d encourage you take advantage of it.
@barista.steph, I have really been struggling here lately with the feeling of betrayal and it helped immensely to read your comment to icecream8. In my case, I’m not certain the problem. I have been with my counsleor for years and she has helped me greatly. You have given my the courage to bring up how I’m feeling and just (I hope) be able to sit through the answer and whatever happens happens. Maybe everything will be okay and get better after I tell her how I feel. Or worst case she gets upset and says it’s best I talk to someone else. In my case my counselor was talking of firing me. I’m not sure why she would say that, because I consider myself a good client and I’ve been doing the best I know how. Anyway thanks. And to icecream8 hang tough girl and don’t give up.
thanks guys. thanks for the encouraging word and advice it really helped me out.