My counselor has been talking about doing a support group in the summer while i’m home from college because she knows that being home can be stressful for me and just the idea of being alone because my mom is at work. On Thursday when she was talking briefly about it she mentioned how there was activities and different levels of care but then she said that i might not even be able to see her in the summer depending on what level of care i need. This DOES NOT sound like a support group to me she said i need to be assessed and everything she said for those 5-10 minutes made it sound like a clinic more than a support group. I refuse to go now she said she would talk more about it this Thursday but i feel lied to i guess. When i first started therapy at the end of September i was scared that i would be too much for a counselor to handle having an eating disorder or Self Harm to the point that she would give up and hand me off to someone else. Maybe i’m just assuming things but right now that’s how i’m feeling. I don’t want to do this in the summer if it means losing my counselor because she knows everything that i don’t tell other people. I trust her and i refuse to open up to someone new all over again and tell my story when it was hard the first time. Soon i’m just going to stop therapy all together why bother i trusted her and i feel like i was lied to and betrayed. Am i bad enough that i have to go somewhere else in the summer i don’t even know if it’s a clinic or not or if it is a clinic whether i have to inpatient or outpatient. At this moment i refuse to go and soon i’m just going to stop all my appointments together from seeing my doctor every month to seeing my counselor on campus every two weeks the doctor on campus every two weeks the nutritionist on campus every two weeks and my psychiatrist every month. Just stop dealing with all my appointments i can’t handle feeling abnormal being on medication for my bipolar disorder or having to weighed every month and every two weeks. When i’m on campus they don’t even let me see my weight or even tell me.
My therapist is so concerned about me in the summer but soon i’m just going to lie and say i’m going to be fine and that i’m not worried any more.