There’s only been two serious times in my life where I felt like ending everything and I’m feeling a third. Nothing is going right.  I feel like such a worthless human being. I’m trying to forget, I’m trying to be successful, and I fail miserably. This pain is too much. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy? I stared at my favorite “escape” last night and cried myself to sleep. Why I didn’t do it, I do not know. Actually I do, my best friend. I hurt him so much the last time I SI’ed and I never want to do that again. He’s the only one that’s been there for me and makes me feel safe. I’m so scared to talk to him about this, and put him through it again. It’s so incredibly hard, when you need someone by your side and you want it so badly to be that one person that means the world to you, but it’s just not possible when they live so far away. I feel so selfish for being needy.