I just typed out a whole big long blog and accidently deleted it. Instead of typing everything out again, the point was I’m struggling. Having a lot of bad urges to self harm, and even the idea of drinking is flirting with me. I know I probably shouldn’t be home alone right now. At the same time, I think I would be ok if I stay here,it’ll just be harder. But why not just be safe and go to the treatment center for a couple hours, or go to the park, or go to work early and drink some coffee ? I would say “lazy” is the right word but it just doesn’t fit. I haven’t been sleeping since Sunday, I have no appetite, I have no motivation. I know I’m not depressed, maybe I’m just not  handling stress very well this week. I am handling it better than I would have before though, before I wouldn’t have thought twice about acting out. I asked my higher power to keep me clean,safe, and sober today and I’m going to try to keep trusting that to get me through the day.