well i haven’t written on this site for a while, i guess i sorta thought that was a good thing. you know, because i hadn’t si’d in a while. but that didnt last too long, cause it never does. ive been trying to talk about things more, but that hasnt really worked so well for me. i thought talking about things would make me feel better, but for whatever reason it hasnt. i dont know if its because i havent gotten the reactions i wanted or if im just putting too much hope into someone understanding, but talking hasnt helped, and even makes me feel worse. saying it out loud meas excepting that its real, and not just something i made up in my head and can keep there. im dating the person i mentioned in a few of my other posts now, and he just doesnt care. or at least it seems that way. i figured hed be the one person who could make me feel cared about, but i guess thats just impossible for me. its steadily getting worse, i thought my darkest point was over, that i had conquered my biggest demons a long time ago.  but thats not how it is. im not sure if this makes any sense, but some advice would be greatly appreciated.