It seems I *ignore this an. Cant get rid of it* an have a magical way of screwing everything up. whether it’s at school, home, or in my relationship, I just screw everything up royally. Nobody even realizes how sorry I am or that I even care. The whole SI thing is driving me absolutely crazy! I can’t take it anymore, I just want to be happy and not thinking about this stuff. What do I do? I can’t SI cause of a promise, I need to so badly too. I think more of ending it all more and more. I don’t think I will do it, just the thought is horrible to think about and it scares me (a good thing I suppose). But no matter how much I know I won’t, the thought of ending it all just doesn’t seem so bad…I’m so confused right now, I’m terrified of myself. Why am I so messed up!?