One minute i can be soo happy so nice so sweet so normal andthen bam emltions happen andim sad mad burt lost lonky scared. I had a nervoue break down two days ago and almost SIed. But a friend helped m through it and even though i wanted to do it i dint do it. But mow because i dont know what i want becSe i dont know how to be hapy i keep pushing my friend….my bkyfriend away and now i think i went to far way to far. I thought he could handle it but he cant and i just hurt him so bad and its so hard because i love him and i neverwant to lose him but i think i just did. And now i dont no if ill be able to move on from this. I keep losing people. And its because of me they all go away. Im so scared right now idk what to do. Idk if i wont just go back to SI maybe that was bettrfor me maybe thats what i need to do because i wasnt happy but i wasnt hurting anyone either. I was not playing with someones heart that i care sooo mich for. But i dont know. Well see how this ends. And how i end up.