Hi I’ve screwed up while still under the cover of this facade umbrella in the storm. People see me doing “well” and I’m not entirely good. This may be a tad ranty or long so I apologize ahead of time. I relapsed and injured a few days ago, but the feeling was gone. While some of you might think “Oh good, that’s progress!” It is not. The pain still exists whether or not injuring gets it anymore. I’ve had trouble with pain for a long time. It’s emotional pain. I started injuring after the death of my beloved grandfather, the suicide of my beloved step-father and essentially best friend, being diagnosed as on the Autism Spectrum, having to give up my beloved dog for a move, and moving to a new school where I again knew nobody. All at around 13yrs old. My first day at my new school I was teased and bullied because I was drawing or sketching because I was lonely and depressed as a result of the suicide. They called me names like the “Ring Girl” and were always quoting the movie which they thought I was drawing about; saying “You’re gonna die in 7 days.” This especially hurt since I blame my step-dad’s suicide on us watching it together before his death. I started hanging out with the “emo kids” because they were really the only ones who didn’t bully or tease. These people were usually talking about injuring and I tried it because I had heard of it and thought it would take the pain away. Later on, I would go on to abuse the pain medication I was given twice (Once for wisdom teeth and again for pneumonia). I can really relate to House in the way he uses medication to combat his emotional pain. The reason I relapsed was a combination of stress from school, financial issues, my depression, and unsureness of a current predicament I’m in. I recently met this wonderful girl I’ve been talking with since I believe February. She’s friends with this really scuzzy chick that I can’t stand who has been over (Unfortunately) to my house a few times since she was an ex-acquaintance of my sisters until my sister severed ties as she was a bad influence and waste of our time. Anyways, this girl I really like had a FB post on her wall from this scuzzball in a very flirtatious manner. I’m worried that if I date her, the scuzzball will ruin it somehow. I don’t know whether I should move on and find someone not connected with this person or just keep talking to her because I feel a good connection that is hard to come by. If I continue, what should I say? I don’t want to be THAT girl who doesn’t like her for her friends.