Just venting! My journal is sick of me so I’ve moved to a new audience, hahaha 🙂 Seriously though, I’m finding that thoughts of SI return with a greater frequency during times of change. I’m four weeks shy of completing my masters degree and returning to the real world. I love that I (finally!) live on my own and at the same time, with changes and new beginnings, I notice I think longingly of my undergraduate days when I lived at home. My mind selectively remembers that I wasn’t in charge and glosses over the numerous hospitalizations, horrible mood states and suffocation of living with my mum. And it still feels familiar.
The thing that confuses me most is that I’ve been on my own for the past two years (and I’m 28). I’ve paid rent for apartments, bought my groceries, started a new job, made new friends and built community, got a cat, started grad school…funny that fears/uneasiness about being an adult should surface now after two years of proof that I actually can handle it…on the other hand, I don’t have a job yet and job-hunting is notoriously stressful…and brings to mind lovely days of not having to worry about that because really, was I ever going to finish college and move out? Not a chance!