Haven’t been on here in a while. But this addiction is one of those things… it feels like you’re never going back but even after almost 28 months (wow!) I still have urges. Like last night.
So, some updates. My dad was starting to get scary. I know he’d never hurt anyone but his rages were getting out of control and he was drinking. I feel like here is the only place where I can be honest about that. Anyways, it got to the point where I wanted him out of the house. I wanted him gone. But I didn’t, not really. But he doesn’t care about what I want, so he just left. Walked out. Gone. It was so dramatic and scary and horrible. I hated the whole thing.
A couple days ago he said he wants a divorce. My mom still thinks he’s just having a midlife crisis and is coming back. She wore her wedding ring at her birthday dinner last night. My dad was over while she was out, and we generally had a good time, but I just can’t stand when he talks about my mom, because it makes me remember what he did to us.
I went to bed and had one of the biggest urges to self-injure that I’ve had in a long time. It’s still kind of there right now. I want this so badly… ugh.
Anyways, just wondering if anyone who’s had this experience could just comment? I need some encouragement at the moment. Thanks.