So I’ve lived on my own for the last 6  years but in aug. I got out of a 4 year relationship and had no where to go so I went home to live with my parents.  It was about the time I moved out 6 yrs ago that I told them I was gay.  They don’t accept it and think i’m going to ____.  Well, when I moved home they got this idea in their head that if I had a fresh start at home that they could influence me and I wouldn’t be gay anymore.   well, i sort of played along…not rocking the boat…I know my being gay isn’t gonna change but if I didn’t make waves things are usually better (ps, my dad was abusive physically and mentally when I was younger—now is just mentally cause he knows if he touches me i’ll call the police.)
anyways, I told them yesterday evening that I’m moving out.  they grilled me and found out that the girl i’m moving in with is gay too.  They went on and on with the fire and brimstone! They really thought they were gonna stop me from being gay.   My dad screamed and yelled at me going totally ballistic and my mom cried…
I had a peace about the whole thing while I was talking with/getting yelled at.  I didn’t lose my cool or scream back knowing that it was time for me to move on and live my own life.  But it was in the moments afterward that I wanted to s.i.  It’s not because I believe what my parents are saying is true but the fact that i’ll never be the daughter they want me to be.  I’m not fulfilling the life they saw for me when I was little.  I know I can’t please them all the time, and I know they are set in their ways and i’m not going to compromise who i am for them.  However, a big part of me wants to be accepted by them, and I’m just not.   They don’t realize how much they contribute to my self-injury by treating me they way they do and talking to me like i’m some heathen.  I can’t tell you how many times their harsh words have led to me s.i.’ing.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I just had to get it off my chest…